the rim of the crater, Diamond Head.

You want a guy who will take you into a

PEGGY

the only one whos lost and you know it!

She fights back angry tears.

Welcome to our annual country luau. As

IKE

BOB

them, and criticize what they do,

Excuse me?

MRS. PRESSMAN

No you dont. You want a man who will

Maggie and Bob start to dance as the Quarter sings "Aloha Oe."

even know how you like your eggs.

-- But shes certainly the fastest.

What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary

Here. She may need this. Its not

WALTER

MAGGIE

MRS. TROUT

Its a joke. Theyre kidding.

She lets him lead her away.

over your eyes just so you can discover

Cory approaches.

INT. TROUTS BARN - NIGHT

Kamahamela outfit. Maggie is spectacular in her authentic

You know... Blocked Bart Starr, crewcut

not be Maggies.

Hey, Mr. Graham, welcome to our luau.

Mrs. Trout is on stage, introducing hula contestants. Grandma

The couple enters. Bob is a goody bronzed god in his King

BOB

Thats right. Youre so lost you dont

MRS. TROUT (contd)

Not now.

you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You

burning to talk to you and he cant

LOU TROUT

up, our host, "A Honey of a Beekeeper",

Im going to go dance with Bob.

MAGGIE

IKE

Everybody dance.

Hes laid her flat. Maggie cant speak.

little wild, a little goofy. Some guests (Bob, Cindy, Cory, Lee

anything yourself! I read your column.

and Ted) do the limbo. Walter, Mrs. Pressman doesnt turn as

losing a daughter..." Well, Id like to!

Would it?

Maggie may not be Hales longest

Cory comes over with Dennis to Bob and P九-九-藏-書eggy. BOB/PEGGY/CORY/

Its a small barn thats been converted into a luau with a bar.

wouldnt know real love if it bit him

enough. He pushes himself to his feet. Walter is thrilled. He

Jerry Kramer.

Mag. Help me out here. Green Bay.

Uproarious laughter. Maggie looks terribly pained. Ikes had

Im the only goddamn person in there

the years, it is now Toast Time! First

IKE

supportive. You were being scared.

Supportive? You werent being

(calling after her)

your own. What are you doing, Maggie?

cave with a thousand candles just to

MAGGIE

IKE

May the gifts be returned!

family and friends. May you find

Brian told you that?

It looks like a Hawaiian high school gym on prom night.

IKE

the feel of the sand under your feet.

hopes and the brides feet be filled

ANGLE ON: Bob comes outside.

TIMES OUT:

wake you up at dawn because hes

A BAND plays for two hula dancers. The Trouts had decorated it

MAGGIE

Hes got a tropical sheet wrapped around his pants and shirt.

lead you down the beach with his head

IKE (contd)

(after a beat)

But enough toasts, lets hula. Lets

understand.

I dont and I dont think you should...

bar, greets Ike.

WALTER AND MAGGIE

Ike watches their reaction. The silence is deafening. All the

Ike leans into Maggie, enjoying the smell of her hair. She

Pictures of the King and Queen.

WALTER (contd)

King and Queen of Hawaii, Maggie and

Maggie. Maggie.

start the music up.

MAGGIE

EXT. TROUTS BARN - NIGHT

yourselves the bulls eye of an easy

fiancee.

This party is for you and Bob. Get

Right guard.

PULL BACK TO REV九九藏書EAL:

Every one of those times I was being

May the back of the dress be as pretty

Maggie finishes the punchline along with his father.

PEGGY (contd)

Let me take you back inside, okay?

You never wrote one about you. Im not

BOB

TIME CUT:

PEGGY

I dont know, give me a minute.

MAGGIE

MAGGIE

close, he slurs.

wait another minute to find out what

with umbrellas. Plastic leis abound and most people have

supportive. Something you wont

Thats called changing your mind.

with the others. Bob raises his glass like the good sport he is.

the leper colony in Molokai?

It just gives me the creeps a little bit.

scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried.

The laughter swells and swells, led by Walter.

MAGGIE

your noses to rubbed in all of your

notices, but acts casual.

IKE

IKE

unsteadily, lifting his pineapple.

guests stare at Maggie. Mortified, she holds back tears.

more, are here, milling around wit tropical drinks garnished

is doing. Its the theme of this party.

A pair of expressive pantomime "A Little Grass Shack".

Yes I do!

With the priest, you liked them

Ike watches as Maggie takes the heat, raising her glass along

LOU TROUT

WALTER (contd)

really Hawaii.

I already explained about that.

IKE

MAGGIE

care about Mount Everest?

read you a poem. You want a man to

Yes.

dont want to climb Annapuma.

Or maybe you just wanted to wear the

Bob.

Whered Maggie go?

There are shouts of "Hear hear!" Walter roars.

You humiliated me!

MAGGIE

Because hes the man.

BOB

No, thats called not having a mind of

other people down and-and-anｈｔｔpｓ://ｒeａd.9９cｓｗ•ｃｏｍd laugh at

woman I have ever laid eyes on.

MRS. TROUT (contd)

IKE

MRS. TROUT

and gives Ike a very hard look as he puts his arm around his

What are you doing?

He walks to the bar and is greeted warmly by Lee. Maggie gets

with lead!

Missed me bad, huh?

BOB (contd)

IKE (contd)

of the festivities around her. Every now and then, she looks up

IKE

DENNIS CHUFFA: About Bart Starr and football. (Which keeps Bob

Stop. Stop it! Im getting married on

Maggie and Bob pose for pictures with some of the guests.

youll say. Am I right?

Where did you disappear to?

CORY

sorry for me.

MRS. TROUT

With the bug guy, poached. Now its

She gets everyone up to hula. Band plays fast tune. Maggie

Are you all right with this? You think

IKE

for all of your bad choices and may

(a pause)

Dennis poses with Maggie. Cory poses with Bob. Mrs. Trout runs

Ike runs after Maggie. He grabs her arm and turns her to him.

I havent seen him in twenty-four hours.

walks through the CROWD down the steps and outside. Ike

MAGGIE

TIME CUT:

You want me to make a toast? Okay...

That was very interesting research

We hear Hawaiian music. We see a truck with GUESTS drive up and

WALTER AND CROWD

May the grooms heart be filled with

Yes.

You got something without a toy in it?

IKE

exploitative, mean-hearted creep who

statuary. Strings of colored lights crisscross the ceiling.

Everybody dances.

(to Ike, handing him a jacket)

as the front!

PEGGY

Maggie adjusts her face as best she can.

MRS. TROUT

What!?

Maggie dances affectionately with Bob as Mr. Trout, tending

Losthｔtｐs://ｒeａｄ•9９csw•ｃoｍ!

(nods to door)

As we come in, the hula dancers finish their applause and Mrs.

Bob rushes after Maggie.

you know, Betty and I got married on

Walter gets a bit laugh. He goes again.

Oh, look, Mr. Graham, how about a toast?

ANGLE ON: Ike just entering the party. At least he tried.

MAGGIE

George was doing!

IKE

This year, were dedicating our first

Lou Trout stands with his glass raised.

rented plastic palm trees and fiberglass copies of Hawaiian

Am I right?

PEGGY

All the guests start banding their pineapple cups. Walter rises

MAGGIE

dance to the soon-to-be newlyweds, the

A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON

Lighten up, wahine.

mistakes...

MAGGIE

Humiliating you is what everyone else

tattoo?

Maggies family, Mrs. Trout and people weve already met, and

MAGGIE

shushes the CROWD.

MAGGIE

microphone)

MAGGIE

very flustered.

PEGGY

... Are you okay?

your mind off the reporter.

Oh, she just went to get me something

Come on and give us a toast.

about to watch you hang yourself again.

IKE

No, Maggie, I defended you.

I like those grapes.

Trout announces. Hula dancers stop.

Lou Trout..

(referring to her headdress)

this is funny?

ANGLE ON:

looking Hawaiian Princess get-up. But her face reflects none

me run! Why? Because youre a cynical,

Just like now. You are the most lost

IKE

And where you ever really going to run

What can I get you?

Ike exits. Then, Bob comes over.

Shut up, wahines!

EXT. TROUTS BARN - THE NEXT NIGHT

In the tradition that has grown through

Ill give you a toast. To Maggies

IKE

she hears him.

out of film and goes to get more, l九*九*藏*書eaving Peggy and Maggie alone.

headdress.

-- Tell me something, do you really

managed to find their old Hawaiian shirts.

Ike looks at her drooped shoulder and he shakes his head and

Well, they should. Because theyre

Aloha. Thats a very fetching

That was funny.

MAGGIE

target. May you be publicly flogged

MAGGIE

May the pitter-patter of little feet

HULA DANCERS through barn slats.

You know the old saying, "Youre not

MAGGIE

Peggy whispers to Maggie.

Both Maggie and Ike are breathing hard. Bob comes up to Maggie

(to Maggie)

I had it under control. Now they feel

Lighten up, what?

from the car.

follows, but Peggy grabs a coat for her. Bob watches her go as

in the armpit! And all you do is tear

judges the Hawaiian dancing. The party is at full tilt -- a

Attention. Listen to Walter. Listen

Or the sexual habits of locusts?

Id feel better if I knew where he was.

(grabbing the

(under her breath)

You really want to let that man drag

IKE

King and Queen, dance.

BOB

as a little slice of Hawaii. There are tiki lights, numerous

Am I right? Well? Am I right?

Its fun! Its high.

because youre too afraid to do

Maggie has no response.

(yell)

TED

Hey, Bob. I got twenty dollars bet on--

from going outside to follow Maggie). Bob thinks about it.

Are you all right with this?

egg whites only, thank you very much.

Sunday, and youre just trying to make

running joke...

Ike cant believe it.

LOUT TROUT

IKE

MRS. TROUT

pulling for you.

WALTER

walks to his car

(wincing)

and glances around for Ike, hating herself for it.

IKE

(then)

headdress youre wearing.