0%
夏志清改張愛玲的英文

夏志清改張愛玲的英文

夏志清的《張愛玲給我的信件》已經在《聯合文學》上連載了四期,還沒有完。每一封信幾乎都有夏先生的按語,寫得既真摯又有史料價值。《聯文》所配的插圖有不少是夏先生提供的信件影印本,張愛玲的筆跡很清爽,夏先生的字和寫信的格式則數十年不變,字小而秀麗,夾雜著幾個英文單字或句子,很好看。我的文件柜子里珍藏一批夏先生寫給我的信,有的長,有的短,卻都很有味道。夏先生是一位很會寫信的學者,這套「藝術」慢慢失傳了。
夏先生後來只改了三處:第一個字through改為upon;everywhere和and不要;flew改為would fly。金子於是更亮麗了。
第四處原文說到世舫、長安在公read.99csw.com園散步遇雨:「隔著半透明的藍綢傘,千萬粒雨珠閃著光,像一天的星。一天的星到處跟著他們,在水珠銀爛的車窗上,汽車馳過了紅燈、綠燈,窗子外營營飛著一窠紅的星,又是一窠綠的星。」這句完全見出張愛玲中文的功力,夏先生說「文字特別美,譯文也美」:
夏先生在信上問張愛玲粉香和煙味是公園其他遊人身上發出來的,還是他們各自身上發出來的?前者張愛玲答一個No,後者答Yes。夏先生問她「單純而可愛的印象」只指粉香和煙味,還是「衣服與移動著的腳」也包括在內?前者她答No,後者答Yes。夏先生結果還是重譯了這一段,刪去「這單純而可愛的印象」不譯,認為「比較軟弱而帶read.99csw•com有新文藝腔」。夏先生譯文果然更見順當:
Through the translucent blue silk umbrella myriad raindrops twinkled like a skyful of stars that followed them about everywhere,and later on the taxi s glistening window of crushed silver and as the car ran through red and green lights,a nestful of red starshttps://read.99csw.com flew humming outside the window and a nestful of green stars.
The two of them walked side by side in the park in the autumn sun,talking verylittle, each content with a partial view of the others clothes and moving feet. The fragrance of her face powder and his tobacco smell served 九-九-藏-書as invisible railings that separated them from the crowd.
一九六八年夏天,夏先生正在校閱張愛玲自己翻譯的《金鎖記》,在一封給張愛玲的信上引錄了五處原文和譯文同她商榷。他在按語里說:張愛玲是他的平輩,出過三本英文小說,實在不敢擅自改動她的譯稿。這五處譯文,第四和第五處最有意思,值得推敲。第四處原文說:「兩人並排在公園裡走,很少說話,眼角裡帶著一點對方的衣服與移動著的腳,女人的粉香,男子的淡巴菰氣,這單純而可愛的印象便是他們身邊的闌干,闌干把他們與眾人隔開了。」張愛玲這樣譯:
The two of them walked side bread.99csw.comy side in the park in the autumn sun talking very little,each with a bit of the other's clothes and moving feet at the corner of the eyes and the fragrance of women's face powder and men's tobacco smell,this simple and lovely impression forming the railings alongside that separated them from the crowd.