"Consider him at any level of conduct," Bruce said slowly, "in the home, on the street, in interpersonal relations, in jail -- always there is an extraordinary contradiction. He is dirty and compulsively neat, aloof and desperately gregarious, enthusiastic and sullen, generous and stingy, a snappy dresser and a scarecrow, a gentleman and a boor, given to extremes of happiness and despair, singularly well able to apply himself and capable of frittering away a lifetime in trivial pursuits, decorous and unseemly, land and cruel, tolerant yet open to the most outrageous varieties of bigotry, a great friend and an implacable enemy, a lover and an abominator of women, sweet-spoken and foul-mouthed, a rake and a puritan, swelling with hubris and haunted by inferiority, outcast and social climber, felon and philanthropist, barbarian and patron of the arts, enamored of novelty and solidly conservative, philosopher and fool, Republican and Democrat, large of soul and unbearably petty, distant and brimming with friendly impulses, an inveterate liar and astonishingly strict with petty cash, adventurous and timid, imaginative and stolid, malignly destructive and a planter of trees on Arbor Day -- I tell you frankly, the man is a mess."

In Commissioner Gordons office at Police Headquarters the Commissioner said: "Glad you finally got here Batman. Who is this with you?"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Batman was humming a tune which Fredric recognized as being the "Warsaw Concerto." "Which one shall we take?" he said. "Its always hard to decide on a vague and indeterminate kind of assignment like this."

"This is pretty tasty," Fredric said, tasting the B & B. "How much is it a fifth?"

"Plenty," Fredric said. He enjoyed his vodka tonic as Batman wheeled the great Batmobile expertly through the dark streets of Gotham City.

"Great Scott!" Batman said. "If he reveals it to the whole world it will mean the end of my career as a crime-fighter! Well, its a problem."

Fredric went over to his friend Bruce Waynes house about every Tuesday night. Bruce would be typically sitting in his study drinking a glass of something. Fredric would come in and sit down and look around the study in which there were many trophies of past exploits.

"This is my friend Fredric Brown," Batman said. "Fredric, Commissioner Gordon." The two men shook hands and Batman said: "Now Commissioner, what is this all about?"

"Turn on thread.99csw.come radio," Batman suggested. "Maybe we can catch the news or something."

"Où est son livre?" the Commissioner said pointing at Fredric.

At this moment Robin, who was supposed to be at Andover, many miles away, landed the Batplane on the airstrip and came racing toward the wrecked armored car! But The Joker, alerted, grasped a cable lowered by a hovering helicopter and was quickly lifted skyward! Robin paused at the armored car and put the mask back on Batmans face!

"Flying Dutchman!" Fredric exclaimed, reading the name painted on the bow of the model ship. "The name of a famous old ghost vessel? What can it mean!"

"Hi Robin what are you doing here? I thought you were up at school," Batman said.

"Well its very brilliant just the same," Fredric noted. "I guess Id better go home now."

"Me too," the Commissioner said, shaking Fredrics hand. "This is a fine-appearing young man Batman. Where did you find him?"

"Around eight dollars," Robin said. "There, that seems to be restoring him to his senses."

"Thanks," Fredric said. "Can I mix you one?"

"Well I didnt mean to interrupt you," Fredric said. "Go ahead and change. Ill just look at this magazine."

"Theyre all about the same I find," Batman said. "Most of the alleged differences in cigarettes are just advertising as far as Im concerned."

"Well everything seems to be okay," Batman said. "Theres the armored car waiting to take Mr. van Voort to his destination."

"I wouldnt be surprised if you were right about that," Fredric said. The Batmobile sped down the dark streets of Gotham City toward Gotham Airport.

"Thats extremely well said Bruce," Fredric stated. "I think youve given really a very thoughtful analysis."

"Lets flip," Fredric suggested.

At Gotham Airport the jewel merchant Hendrik van Voort was just dismounting from his KLM jet when the Batmobile wheeled onto the landing strip, waved through the gates by respectful airport police in gray uniforms.

"A cleverly disguised clue!" Batman said. "The Flying Dutchman meant here is probably the Dutch jewel merchant Hendrik van Voort who is flying to Gotham City tonight with a delivery of precious gems!"

They drove seriously back to the Bat-Cave, thinking about the problem. Later, in Bruce Waynes study, Bruce Wayne, Fredric, and Robin, who was now dressed in the conservative Andover clothes of Dichｔｔｐs://ｒｅaｄ.99csｗ•ｃｏmk Grayson, Bruce Waynes ward, mulled the whole thing over between them.

"We have two of everything," Robin explained. "Although its not generally known."

"Hes just a friend," Batman said smiling under his mask.

"Oh by the way," Commissioner Gordon said. "Hows Robin doing at Exeter?"

"Hello Robin!" Fredric called. "I thought you were at Andover!"

"Well," Batman said as they climbed into the comfortable Batmobile, "at least you can have some vodka now. Its under the seat."

"Well Fredric what have you been doing? Anything?"

With Fredrics aid Robin carried the stunned Batman to the waiting Batmobile. "You drive the Batmobile back to the Bat-Cave and Ill follow in the Batplane," Robin said. "All right?"

"Tout cela sest passé en dix-neuf cent vingt-quatre," Fredric said.

"Thats a new kind of armored car isnt it?" Fredric asked.

"What is this stuff on the end of this African spear?" he asked when Bruce came back into the room.

"Righto," Batman said, and they hurried down the street to the Batmobile, which was parked in a truck zone.

"What makes The Joker tick I wonder?" Fredric said. "I mean what are his real motivations?"

Fredric turned on the radio but there was nothing unusual on it.

CRASH!

Fredric pressed the button and a panel slid back, revealing a bottle of B & B and the appropriate number of glasses.

"Tell me Bruce what is it youre drinking there?" Fredric asked.

"Its tomato juice with a little vodka."

"Great Scott!" Fredric said to himself. "Batman is stunned! Hes helpless!"

"He got away," Fredric said, "but not before lifting your mask while you lay stunned in the wreckage of the wrecked armored car."

"No, Joker! Im afraid this leaves your plans up in the air!"

"We get together usually on Tuesday nights and have a few."

"We could all use a little sleep," Bruce Wayne said. "By the way Fredric how are the Grit sales coming along? Are you getting many subscriptions?"

"Yes," Bruce said. "Hell be home for Thanksgiving, I think. Hes having a little trouble with his French."

"Glad to have met you Commissioner," Fredric said.

"Thats okay Ill just drink this tomato juice straight," Fredric said settling himself in his chair and looking out of the window. "Oh-oh theres the bat symbol spotlighted against the sky. This must mean九_九_藏_書 a call from Commissioner Gordon at headquarters."

"Press that button there on the dashboard," Batman said. Fredric pressed the button and a panel on the dashboard slid back to reveal a little bar, with ice, glasses, water, soda, quinine, lemons, limes etc.

"Not while Im working," Batman said. "Is there enough quinine water? I forgot to get some when I went to the liquor store last night."

"Okay!" Batman said, "well go out 34th! Thanks Commissioner and dont worry about anything! Come on Fredric!"

"Thats a good idea," Robin said. "Press that button there on the dashboard. Thats the brandy button."

"Yes quite a few Bruce," Fredric said. "Ive been doing particularly well in the wealthier sections of Gotham City although the strength of Grit is usually found in rural areas. By the way Dick if you want to borrow my language records to help you with your French you can come by Saturday."

"You want me to turn on the radio Fredric? Usually theres something interesting on the radio or maybe youd like a little music from my hi-fi?"

"Okay Bruce," Fredric said, "Ill see you next Tuesday night probably unless something comes up."

"Do you have a quarter?" Batman asked.

"Well this is Tuesday night and usually theres some action on Tuesday night."

Bruce Waynes radio was a special short-wave model with many extra features. When Bruce turned it on there was a squealing noise and then they were listening to Tokyo or somewhere. Above the radio on the wall hung a trophy from an exploit: a long African spear with a spearhead made of tin.

Bruce looked out of the window. A long beam of yellowish light culminating in a perfect bat symbol lanced the evening sky.

"This!" Commissioner Gordon said. He placed a small ship model on the desk before him. "The package came by messenger, addressed to you, Batman! Im afraid your old enemy, The Joker, is on the loose again!"

"You foiled my plans Batman," The Joker said, "but before the police get here, Im going to lift that mask of yours and find out who you really are! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"What do you do Fredric? I mean how do you make your living?"

"Im sorry Fredric its tomato juice. Can I get you a glass?"

"Yes Batman," Robin said seriously, "I think he learned your real identity."

"Its not Exeter its Andover," Batman said. "Hes doing very well. Having a lread.99csw.comittle trouble with his French."

After Bruce had changed they both went out to the garage where the Batmobile and the Batplane waited.

"The Joker crashed the armored car and you were stunned," Fredric explained.

"Can we stop for a minute on the way?" Fredric asked. "Im out of cigarettes."

"Yes I wouldnt mind a glass," Fredric said. "Not too heavy on the vodka please."

"Okay," said Commissioner Gordon, ushering them out of his office. "Good luck. Téléphonez-moi un de ces jours."

"Does it have anything in it or is it just plain tomato juice?"

With a swift movement, The Joker crashed the armored car into the side of the Terminal Building!

"I was but I got a sudden feeling Barman needed me so I flew here in the Batplane," Robin said. "Howve you been?"

"I sell Grit, a newspaper which has most of its circulation concentrated in rural areas," Fredric said. "However I sell it right here in Gotham City. Many of todays leaders sold Grit during their boyhoods."

"Great Scott," Batman said, "what happened?"

"I had a little trouble with it myself," the Commissioner said jovially. "Où est man livre?"

Without a word Batman leaped through the open door of the armored car and grappled with the shadowy figure inside.

"I usually prefer Kents," Fredric said, "but Viceroys are tasty too."

"Wait a minute!" Batman said. "Wouldnt it be quicker to get on the Dugan Expressway where it comes in there at 11th Street and then take the North Loop out to the Richardson Freeway? Dont you think that would save time?"

"I think so," Batman said. "What happened to The Joker?"

"Check," Fredric said. Dont you think we ought to give him a little brandy or something?"

"There are some Viceroys in the glove compartment," Batman said pushing a button. A panel on the dashboard slid back to reveal a fresh carton of Viceroys.

"Thats The Jokers laugh!" Fredric reflected. "The man inside the armored car must be the grinning clown of crime himself!"

"I hate to drink it straight," Fredric said.

"No Bruce things have been just sort of rocking along."

"Well wed better creep Commissioner," Batman said. "The Joker as you know is a pretty slippery customer. Come on Fredric."

While Bruce went out to the kitchen to make the drink Fredric got up and went over to examine the African spear more closely. It was he saw https://read.９9cｓw•comtipped with a rusty darkish substance, probably some rare exotic poison he thought.

"Où est ton livre?" Batman said.

Batman hummed a peculiar melody which Fredric recognized as the "Cornish Rhapsody" which is on the other side of the "Warsaw Concerto." "Hmmmmm!" Batman said. "This sounds to me like another one of The Jokers challenges to a duel of wits!"

"Good thinking Batman!" Commissioner Gordon said. "I probably never would have figured it out in a thousand years!"

"Well well have to hurry to get out to the airport!" Batman said. "Whats the best way to get there from here Commissioner?"

"I know Bruce or otherwise I wouldnt pick Tuesday night to come over."

"Thanks Fredric Ill do that," Dick said.

Fredric watched, horror-stricken. "Great Scott! The Joker has unmasked Batman! Now he knows that Batman is really Bruce Wayne!"

"I told you Tuesday night was usually a good night," Bruce Wayne said. He put his vodka-and-tomato-juice down on the piano. "Hold on a minute while I change will you?"

"Fine," Fredric said. "But we left the Batplane in the garage, back at the Bat-Cave. I dont understand."

"I must have left the other bottle of vodka in the Batmobile," Bruce said. "Oh thats curare, deadliest of the South American poisons," he affirmed. "It attacks the motor nerves. Be careful there and dont scratch yourself."

"But not for long Batman! Im going to bring you down to earth!"

"Batman! I thought that clue I sent you would leave you completely at sea!"

"Sure, take your time," Fredric said. "By the way is Robin still at Andover?"

"No but I have a dime. That should be okay," Fredric said. They flipped, heads for the Batmobile, tails for the Batplane. The coin came up heads.

"Well I come to work that way!" the Commissioner said. "But theyre putting in another two lanes on the North Loop, so that you have to detour down Strand, then cut over to 99th to get back on the Expressway! Takes you about two miles out of your way!" he said.

"Well if I were you Id go out 34th Street until you hit the War Memorial, then take a right on Memorial Drive until it connects with Gotham Parkway! After youre on the Parkway its clear sailing!" he indicated.

"I was paraphrasing what Mark Schorer said about Sinclair Lewis," Bruce replied.

"I was," Robin said. "Are you okay now? Can you drive home okay?"