"Now do not provoke me to cancel my promise by your pertinacity. I tell you as a punishment for quizzing your mother you shall not know until Thursday next what it is."

"Not at all," said Mr. White. "The evening, despite its sad but necessary consequences, has been most delightful. I cant recall when more interesting things have been said or done, in all the years of my residence in this city. And as I shall have the pleasure of giving the next party, I shall most certainly adopt your little experiment, as you call it."

"There is but one more card in the vase," said Mrs. Teach, peering into the article in question. "Dare we look at it?"

Mrs. Teach dipped into the vase for the next card.

For the space of a quarter of an hour the pencils of the company made desperate attacks upon the faces of the cards which left them covered over with black lines. The last answer written and deposited in the vase, Mrs. Teach, with a smile, commenced the task of reading them aloud.

"Now I really do object!" said Mr. Lynch. "I could never find it in my heart to pronounce any lady sour."

"As there is a majority of ladies here, I shall propose for the first question: What is a bachelor?"

"He is extremely cruel to everyone," said Mr. White.

"Good Lord! He is dead!" cried Mrs. Teach.

"Yes, Maria, we will give the party on next Thursday night and I have an agreeable surprise in contemplation for all our old friends who may be here." The pleasant air about Mrs. Teach as she entered the parlor where her daughter was seated betokened the presence of something on her mind that gave her great satisfaction. The daughter had been importuning her mother for a party which after due deliberation she had decided to give and to make the evening more entertaining she had determined to introduce a new feature which she thought would create some excitement in the circle of her acquaintances and afford them threａd•99csw•ｃome means of much amusement. She had just hit upon the plan before entering the room and the smile of satisfaction upon her face was noticed by her daughter.

"That would be acute," Mr. Lynch said thoughtfully, "had I ever boasted. But I recall no such occasion. There is, in fact, a kind of shame and horror attached to the bachelor state -- an odium combined with a tedium. Sleeping with strumpets is not the liveliest business in the world, I assure you."

"I shall propose a question," said Mrs. Teach, "to which each one must write an answer on the card they have. Which cards shall be placed in this vase on the pedestal behind me. After they are all deposited I will draw them out singly and will read them aloud. There is to be no mark upon the response by which its author may be known."

"No, Miss, I am going to do no such foolish thing! And, for your quizzing, you shall not know what it is until the evening of the party!"

"An old maids forlorn hope," said Mrs. Teach, reading the next response, the aptness of which was felt by all -- yet a sense of propriety restrained any acknowledgment of this. Another card was instantly drawn to divert attention from it, and to relieve Miss Jawart from her unpleasant dilemma.

Yes, it was an agreeable party after all, Maria thought. My mother is not dumb. My mother is surprisingly intelligent. It was wrong of me to think ill of her. Now no one will ever know that Mr. Lynch was the man who -- How strange is justice! How artful woman!

"That is true," he said with a mock sigh.

"Well," said Mrs. Teach, "I am not entirely satisfied with my little experiment this evening, and so shall leave it to another to choose the entertainment for our next."

"I am inviting Geronimo, chief of the Apache Indians, who happens to be in town," said Mr. White.

"Something dangerous," said Mr. White, with a twinkle.

"A target for fair hands to shttps://read.99csw.comhoot at," she read.

"I read it in your face this moment," he replied.

"There you do me wrong, for, see! I have one now which you gave me," said Mr. Lynch, taking from his pocket a handsomely worked velvet heart. "And observe, there are as many pins in it as you are endeavoring to plant thorns in its partner here," he went on, placing his hand over that part of his coat which covered the real article.

"A bit of fresh, as the expression runs," said Mr. Lynch, "can --"

Mr. White drew forth his pistol and shot Mr. Lynch dead with it.

The merriment of the company knew no bounds at this answer. Mr. Lynch joined the rest with great zeal, and in a few moments exclaimed, "Well! I really do think you are making me a target to shoot at tonight. It is well for you that I am good-natured, else I might retaliate with some formulations of my own."

"It was not a matter of foreknowledge," said Maria. "The card is mine. I couldnt think of anything to write."

Dr. Balfour knelt over the body. "Yes, he is dead," he said. All assisted the Doctor in placing the carcass on the sofa.

"Morning or evening, Mother?"

"Just like Mr. Lynch."

"I beg of you, ladies," said Mr. Lynch, "not to shoot too close to me, but I know that my prayer is to no avail since your arrows are already in that vase."

"What will the question be?" asked Miss Jawart.

"Then I will nip you with my frost," said Mr. Lynch, putting his arms playfully around one of the Misses Jennings.

Authors note: This piece is an objet trouvé. It was originally published in Godeys Ladys Book in 1850, under the byline of a Hickory Broom. I have cut it and added some three dozen lines.

This is really a dumb game, thought Maria.

"A fox longing for the grapes he pronounces sour."

"Heart, indeed! This is the first time I ever knew you to acknowledge the possession of such an articrｅaｄ•９９cｓｗ.coｍle," Mrs. Teach quickly replied.

Eight oclock on the evening of the party. The first who were ushered into the parlor were Mrs. Jawart and her two daughters, who were always the first at the reunions. The younger Miss Jawart was somewhere out of her teens, and the elder, although her face was profusely bedecked with curls -- the original owner of which, being dead, had no further use for them -- could not conceal that she was much older than she wished to be considered. Mr. and Mrs. White came next, the lady somewhat pompous in her manner, and the gentleman quite so. An interest in a canal boat had placed him, in his own view, among shipping merchants, and some of his acquaintances broadly hinted that if he were cut up in small pieces and retailed out for starch, he would be fulfilling his destiny. The two Misses Jennings and brother came next. These young ladies, the one eighteen and the other twenty, seemed somewhat disappointed, when they entered the room, at the absence of some of their young beaux, whom they expected to find there; this feeling was dispelled in a few moments, when a matched pair of the latter presented themselves.

There was a general mustering of pencils at this announcement and an evident curiosity was immediately raised in regard to the subject which would be propounded.

The company after much confusion being seated, Mrs. Teach took from the center table a handsome marble card basket containing a pack of plain, gilt-edged cards and explained that she had prepared an innocent and entertaining amusement for them which she hoped would prove interesting.

"Evening, Miss. So no more questions but get about writing your invitations."

"Yes, yes," was the answer, in a subdued murmur. "I sincerely hope that it may be a favorable one," said Mrs. Teach, "for I fear we have dealt harshly with our late friend tonight."

"Shall we, Mother? I am so glad!" she answered. "But what is it you are preparing for our frie九*九*藏*書nds? Are you going to sing?"

"Now, Mother, that is too bad. You are too hardhearted. You know the extent of womans curiosity and yet you will not gratify me. Are you going to introduce a new polka?"

"That will make it all the more dangerous," said Mrs. Teach, "as I am told that he is extremely cruel to his enemies."

"It must be you, Miss Bookly," said Mr. Lynch, "as you are sitting closest to me."

Mr. Lynch, a bachelor of fifty, was the next to claim the attention of the company. He was a short, thickset man, with a small pair of whiskers that curled up on his cheekbones as if endeavoring to cultivate an acquaintance with his eyes. A few gray hairs in them, overlooked by the owner -- his attention to them was exemplary -- had been, in his toilet for the evening, elbowed, as it were, by the others to the fore, possibly to attract the attention of a few of the same color which peeped from behind the false hair of Miss Jawart. A standing collar formed a semi-wall around his neck, and shoes of the brightest polish graced his feet. At about half past nine, then, all the guests had assembled, filling comfortably both parlors and rendering the place vocal with their animated conversation.

Maria did as her mother requested.

"Parties are always dangerous," said Miss Jawart.

"A creature whose miseries might be pitied had he not the remedy within his reach."

Maria proceeded to the bookcase and taking from it her notepaper and envelopes commenced writing.

A general laugh greeted this response.

"For heavens sakes, man, be silent!" exclaimed Mr. White.

"One who boasts of liberty but sighs for the slavery he condemns."

"There is no use in your questioning; I shall not tell you anything about it, so you may as well save your breath."

The company had been engaged some time in singing when there was a call for a polka. In a few moments partners were selected and everyone was hopscotching through the firead.99csw.comgures at a lively rate, reminding one strongly of a group in a state of advanced intoxication. The mind of Maria suddenly became abstracted to such an extent by thoughts of the surprise that her mother had promised that she forgot her time and the dancers were compelled to stop and reprove her jokingly for her remissness. Just at that moment Mrs. Teachs voice could be heard, above the general din of laughter and music, calling for everyone, without exception, to come into the front parlor as she had something to show them which she thought would amuse. In her haste to get into the room Maria almost knocked one of the Misses Jennings over.

"Some are choice, some are not," said Mr. Lynch.

"What are they like, really?" asked Miss Bookly.

The second card was drawn forth.

"I beg you, do not!" exclaimed Mr. Lynch. "For that would deprive me of much pleasure."

"Maria," she continued, "will you pass around this basket, my dear, and let each one of the company select from it one of the cards?"

"How do you know it was my answer?" she cried, releasing herself from him.

"A prophecy," said the younger Miss Jennings. "Who could have foreseen what was to happen?"

The last card was drawn from the vase. Mrs. Teach examined it closely on both sides and then proclaimed, "Blank!"

"Any icy peak, on the mountain of humanity, that the sun of womans love has never melted," read Mrs. Teach.

The laugh was turned on Mrs. Teach and she drew forth another card.

"Then we must turn our faces from you, or we shall all betray ourselves, if you are such an excellent face reader," said the elder Miss Jawart.

"I did not write it," said Miss Bookly. "And besides, Miss Jennings was sitting closest to you before she moved away after you put your arms around her.

"Do you intend showing your album quilt?" perseveringly inquired Maria.

Another card terminated the conversation on that subject.