To their amazement, Maggie starts smiling.

Maggie is starting to feel uncomfortable. She looks down,

moral support.

will be therapy bills for you.

we man-eater could stick together."

MAGGIE

Yeah.

-- Its for you, Ike.

MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)

ELLIE

ELLIE

"Dear Editor..."

way to the other side of the room.

paint machine.

In vino veritas.

expression on the faces of her friends.

And why did you say seven times? This

Ike puts down the letter and puts his glasses back into his

(bright)

go out on a limo. Thats what makes me

MRS. PRESSMAN

MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)

EXT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCKS - CONTINUOUS

newspaper)

CUT TO:

I left four messages. You dont return

On the counter, they see a copy of USA Today opened to the

INT. HARDWARE STORE - CONTINUOUS

(no response)

IKE

Ill put in a good word for you.

malice aforethought."

(laughing)

(to Elaine)

we deliberately abandon fiances with

MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)

No, no, dont mention my name in there.

thinking us slanderous statements about

Since when does Ellie need moral supp--

"I suppose Mr. Graham was too busy

nonchalantly on the arm of the couch. Ike enters as Ellie reads

reporting. Which is understandable,

"Anyway, Im just dropping you big city

ELLIE

IKE

You creeps! I should disinvite you!

Bag.

"Greeting from the sticks! Perhaps you

Besides, Im a columnist. This is what

INT. USA TODAY OFFICE - Chttps://read.99csw.comONTINUOUS

theyre not driving.

the loose, who has time to check facts?"

It wont be funny if you drag it out.

So? I never returned your calls, even

IKE (contd)

is four.

and call me when you feel Ive served

You dont need an air conditioner, Earl,

Maggie.

MAGGIE (contd)

workout area and goes to her desk.

MAGGIE

Maggies letter.

how I dump men for kicks to bother with

something silly like accuracy in

"Still, we cannibalistic queens can get

Not anymore. I have to draw the line.

lot of attention from his CO-WORKERS. Ike seems a little

Ellie hands Ike Maggies list.

MR. PAXTON

What?

MAGGIE

ANGLE ON DESK AREA:

We follow MAGGIE down the back stairs inside The Hale Hardware

(holding her

pocket.

IKE

Ike sits as Ellie puts the letter down and takes off her glasses.

IKE

Maybe she hasnt read the paper...

folk this little note to say that I have

TRAFFIC OFFICER, then a hot dog stand. He greets and passes a

Journalism lesson number one. If you

fiction about me and call it fact?"

(pushing a piece

IKE

I already made an appointment for later

Holy moly.

its the rudest and most offensive...

MRS. PRESSMAN

Real newspapers smear. Phoney papers

ELLIE

ELLIE

Dont knock drunk guys in bars. Drunk

Fully. I like her. She has wit.

He passes regular GUYS who cheer him.

dubiously, at the paper.

Okay?

dont.

Maggie steps behind the front counter of the storread.99csw.come and takes the

She picks up the paper and brushes it against her apron, leaving

INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCKS - CONTINUOUS

your account.

Ike greets various workers. He steps up to the editors

handle and goes to an elderly customer, MR. PAXTON.

MAGGIE (contd)

IKE

what you like. We push, we stretch, we

Grahams editor was a woman. Call me a

What?

going to be hard to get over. There

out. Ellie collapses back in her chair. Fisher goes to her and

FALAFEL VENDOR. THE CAMERA PANS to a USA Today Truck.

a Manhattan busy day. It is big, loud, and anonymous.

pretty cranky when we see things in

(scoffs)

about Ikes age. Ellie sits behind a big desk with a scowl on

the owners daughter; both stop and shop-girl radiate brightness,

Ike goes into Ellies office. Elaine picks up her phone.

IKE

one that serves it up.

No.

hound in a bar?

Thats not nothing to do with it. You

I merely write the stuff. Youre the

PEGGY

Maggie stays amused.

Maggie rounds the bend, another customer, EARL, stands by the

taxies. A WOMAN smacks him with a newspaper. He passes a WOMAN

IKE

hasnt read this yet.

We see Maggie kickboxing in anger. The radio is on. She

MAGGIE

(sitting)

Grahams column on a platter. Yours

ELAINE

She nearly kneels over.

PEGGY

Bag.

rubs her shoulders.

moment to tell me this is fake.

when we were married. And whats

satisfy my current appetite: Ike

cooked this story up and you 九-九-藏-書know it.

No, you tell her.

He laughs a little at the painful truth of her words and walks

I didnt cook up a story. I had a

(putting the list

Peggy and Mrs. Pressman immediately spring to her side. They

more in the back.

FISHER

Peggy looks like she is going to cry with sympathy for Maggie.

MRS. PRESSMAN

MRS. PRESSMAN

joke anybodys ever played on me!

No, thats what makes you unemployed.

If you go quietly, Ill get you

CUT TO:

doghouse with Mrs. Paxton.

in small town USA. Somehow the place ha taken on the spirit of

(amazed)

its actionable.

So -- Mag -- youve seen this, huh?

Te CAMERA FINDS Ike, striding across a busy street, dodging

MRS. PRESSMAN

You tell Maggie.

Ike gets up and stands near Ellie, making his point.

of paper)

ELLIE

surprised, but hes pleased.

You know, its just possible that she

article. There are fifteen."

MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)

Ellie asked me to come down to offer

MRS. PRESSMAN

impassive as stone.

EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY - ESTABLISHING SHOT

made between 1924 and 1938. In other

print that hurt our feelings, like that

former spouse.

(chuckles as he sits)

believe that a rural education is

See? You want custody of my job? ...

(delicate)

ELLIE

ELLIE (V.O.; contd)

thought of a ritual sacrifice that would

Ellie pushes USA Today lawyers letter across the desk for him

secretary, ELAINE. She doesnt smile.

Fisher gets and places a photo of the cat on a booksread.99csw.comhelf on his

He walks through the crowded city room. His arrival attracts a

(no response)

MAGGIE

She sent us this list. Our lawyers say

PEGGY

Why not just consider my wrist slapped

Alright, Mr. Paxton, Ill put it on

A buzz.

Maggie looks at the stricken face of her friends.

Why?

going to be very tough on you. Its

you just need an attic fan -- Theres

(reading letter)

ELLIE

Someone reliable, Im sure. A booze-

have inclosed a list of the gross

good!

INT. MAGGIES WORKOUT ROOM/GYM - NIGHT

jokes, so we didnt...

charm, and possibility. Maggie comes down steps with a faucet

Lawyers.

give her a bag to breathe in.

No, no. Youre her best friend.

ELAINE

down, standing)

IKE

suddenly stops, yanks Ikes article off the wall, leaves her

MRS. PRESSMAN (contd)

Store, the prettiest, most welcoming shop of its kind anywhere

Uh, Maggie, you told us to bachelorette

(shrugs)

Okay, well... I mean, I can find out...

an INK SMEAR!!

INT. ELLIES OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

handle with the "HOT" still on it,

EARL

cast iron tub with a four-inch center

Um, you know, now would be a good

her pretty face. Her casual-looking husband, Fisher, sits

guaranteed to fit any American Standard

ELLIE

Hallelujah.

article about Maggie.

FISHER

factual misrepresentations in your

for a sober moment.

Why else would you print a piece of

guys in bars are good. It means

tractor maintenance rather than reading.

to read九*九*藏*書. Ike picks it up and skims the letter. His face is as

... Or not!

account book out. Her voice trails off as she sees the dour

Here we go! One antique hot water

Whered you get this done?

MAGGIE (contd)

Yes, Ive seen it. And I have to say

sentimental fool, but I sort of hoped

today.

because with a "man-eater" like me on

ELLIE is that editor. Stylish and successful looking, shes

IKE

Fisher winces and looks away. Ike and Ellie look at each other

You guys! How long did this take you?

Peggy nervously mentions the newspaper.

Ike works his way down the hall to the editors office. CHUFFA

Ellie fidgets with her toy rake, then Ike heads for the door.

MAGGIE (V.O.)

Peggy and Mrs. Pressman enter, worried.

She turns off the radio and begins to type her letter.

"Thats why I was surprised to find Mr.

PEGGY

IKE

MAGGIE (contd)

severance pay.

focused mainly on hog calling and

Lesson number two. Never work for your

Im sorry, Ike. This is permanent.

You can go in now.

my time?

PEGGY

ELLIE

IKE

(glances at list)

columnists are supposed to do. This is

truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. -- I

words, I think youre out of the

Fisher doing here anyway?

I dont know, Ellie -- Firing me is

(serious)

fabricate your facts, you get fired.

As Maggies VOICE-OVER continues to read her letter, we take in

my calls.

(walking past customer)

He enters the newspaper building, going to Ellies office.

source.